Wednesday 18 June, 2008

The Amusing English

Every passing day, we discover more and more about the need of ‘English’ as a very vital means of communicating. It is undoubtedly the Global language at this era, in India at least. But, what happens when English language is used in a very confusing manner that makes you think, laugh, cry and sympathize with the people who have written it. I have certain experiences to share with you:

Sale and Service available
Usually refers to the technological stuff, gadgets, cars and other such things. But, it was written on a shop that sells fishes. Sale is ok but what about servicing. I thought there would be surgeons but could locate only handful of sales people who didn’t even knew how to speak ‘English’. God really needs to bless them and I wonder if they have spare parts for the fishes also. I should have asked them, better luck next time.

24 hours open
You will say ‘normal’ but listen. It was not written on a billboard but shutter of a closed medical shop. Now, how much is it normal dude?

Addidas, Nike, Rebook, Puma – You have it all
I know you will say that these are brands but wait a minute. It was written on a single t-shirt and the shirt was manufactured by a company called ‘S-Mark’. What a combination guys, all brands under one roof. By the way, how many of you know about this merger. I still am trying to locate it on Google.

Made from only clean and fresh hydrogen and oxygen
Guess before you move on reading about it. It was for mineral water bottle which I got on Delhi-Jammu highway. Creative minds over exhaust themselves and the result is visible.

Well built, no history and in good health condition
This was in a matrimonial newspaper. Don’t laugh guys; I have tried to interpret what he meant to say. He needed a 6 feet tall girl with no boyfriend since she was born and in the best of health. He actually referred to ‘Eve’. Only she didn’t have a boyfriend before marriage and was the only lady who did not suffer from even a single disease. Somebody tell him that he is born too late.

All female treatments available – come with your wife and forget
A roadside quack had this written on his tent shop. I hope he really didn’t mean what he had written otherwise most of the husbands would have done that till now. Women are the toughest to handle, I bet he does not know what the meaning of what is written on his shop.

For rent – sorry to bachelors, no lady keeps home clean
I am still trying to get the gist of it. Why is he sorry to bachelors and why does he feel that no lady can keep home clean? We need a philosopher to crack this out, anybody out there.

According to Mamkol, “Have you heard about that famous line – ass you lick it”.

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