Kashmir Terminology

Of late there have been a lot of terms that have become quiet common in usage. But there meanings have been determined by the conditions prevailing in the valley. This is just an endeavor to uncover such terms.

Hartal: Lawful justification for not going to workplace

Protest: Shouting so loudly that your voice strike the walls of offices of concerned authorities

Identity Cards: Lifeline of a Kashmiri

Crackdown: Where you are down and your bones cracked

Blast: Minimizing the minority of Kashmiris

Road Map: Exactly a map but without signs and symbols

26^th January & 15^th August: Monstrous days

Cross Firing: Easiest way of suicide

Surrender: Get a gun, give it back and own a job

Round Table Conference: Where the center is ambiguity

Dialogue: One-way communication

Peace Process: Hypothetical concept

Cease Fire: Shoot limited number of bullets

Custodial Killings: Natural death

Search Operations: Employ five laborers for a week to get things again in place

Boycott: Cannot catch it, so we are not with it

Leader: Every 10^th person on the street

Government: Does it exist?

Election: In-house joke

Laws, Rules & Regulations: In books only

Tear Gas: It is always ‘in’

Stone Pelting: Oldest and most economic way

Lating Position: So that you don’t become Mr. late

Fidayeens: Omnipresent

Cordon: Surround everything else than the place you have to attack

Freedom: Whose & how

Press Conference: He got no one else to talk to / dying to speak

Media: Avenues of revenue

Human Rights Violations: Twice a day

Curfew: Prehistoric but relevant

Militant: Terrorist & Mujahid would be too extreme

Bunker: Next-door neighbor

Third Party: Optional party of Kashmiris

LOC: Out Of Control

According to Mamkol, “Do you know that terminology is not a word but a complete election – T(ERM END) + E(LECTION) + R(EGIONAL) M(EGER) + I(NC HEADS) + NO(LEFT) + LO(SP) + G(8Summit) + Y(ES TO IAEA) – next elections”.

Who Is A Kashmiri

Do you guys know how to identify a Kashmiri? This piece of writing will absolutely help you in actually knowing a few things about him. Without any more wastage of time and words, we begin;

Search To Get An ID Card

Wherever he goes, he always has an ID card with him. No matter what happens, he will never leave his home without it even if it is just crossing the road to the departmental store. A Kashmir has every now and then being asked to prove his identity by virtue of an ID card in his own land. And the best part is that his identity is confirmed by people who are not even a part of the Kashmiri nation.

First One To Help

Kashmiris have always been fearless, brave and courageous. If you see a crisis like a blast, or an accident or may be some serious thing happening, a Kashmiri will be the first to go out and help people. He doesn’t care about himself and all he can see is his duty to lend a hand out. That makes a Kashmiri very special.

Keeps A Distance

If you see a guy keeping an arm’s distance from any security personnel, be sure that he is a Kashmiri. Security forces have left deep impressions on the minds of Kashmiris and are associated with frisking, beating, bullets and what not. It is like the bad guy in your school whom you were always scared of even if you saw him on a street somewhere. But still, you see Kashmiris smiling at them, really admiring.

Sensitive Breed

A Kashmiri can do anything when it comes to emotions. They are ready to live and die for others. A Kashmiri is a very sensitive type of species who gets driven away by emotions and feelings. Even thought after 20 years of conflict, the hearts have remained the same – as innocent and hospitable as always. This tells you the character of a Kashmiri.

Response To A ‘Bang’

What will you do if you hear a bang? Different reactions come out but a Kashmiri will have certain fixed reaction to it:

• A current will run through his body and he would feel goose bumps
• He will attempt to locate where the ‘Bang’ came from
• Next, he will try to locate the place to run to
• Third and last, he will either really run or laugh at himself

But, people don’t blame him. Bang always meant blasts in Kashmir and they have seen enough of them. Unsurprisingly a Kashmiri cannot relate anything else to a “Bang’.

Toughest One

There won’t be a single family which has not been affected by conflict, but a Kashmiri still have not forgot to laugh. He always laughs and makes others laugh too. You would never know what he is inside because he never makes you even think about it. A Kashmiri is a very strong character who knows how to move on with life. He learns the best and worst lessons in life before he actually comprehends what life is.

Die Without Rice

A Kashmiri can fight and conquer any difficulty except not having rice. You may make him eat varieties of food ranging from Chinese to Italian or Mughlai to Mexican but if he does not have rice, his meal is not complete. He will really die without rice, which is all he wants at the end of the day.

I truly salute the character of a Kashmiri for all he has gone through and the way he has emerged out of it. I am proud to be a Kashmiri

According to Mamkol, “Kashmiri actually sees hopes midst intolerance, racism & indifference ”.

Kashmiris – Fighting For Their Land As Always

Kashmir is considered as a place filled with news and it seems to be ‘the place’ for all the breaking news. Bloodshed, deaths, bombs, shoot outs, Human Rights Violations, Search Operations and bandhs seem to be the normal Kashmir story that is given coverage on newspapers.

But, it is not all about the conflict this time. I have a narrator who will make you go through the ‘new real’ Kashmir problem. It is none other than the ‘800 kanals of forestland’ allotted at Sonamarg to Shri Amarnath Shrine Board by the Government.

And it says:

“I stand here since ages and I have witnessed the demarcation lines put by the strongest creature of this earth (man) to separate me from other pieces of land. They named them and claimed to be theirs. I just laugh at their superiority. These days, I fall under Sonamarg in Kashmir. I do not know where future will take me.

I have been really lucky to fall into this beautiful paradise of Kashmir where nature seems at its best. I have trees to cover me, winds bowing all around and still far from the emerging deforestation and pollution problems. I could not have asked for a better place that this.

I am as free as a breeze without any boundaries set on me. All are welcome to my land and no one here is treated an alien. I love when children play over me, tourists come and enjoy nature and locals give me a sense of belonging to them.

But now, I hear that Government has decided to allot me to Shri Amarnath Shrine Board. And I can see what it means for me - Barbered wires, pollution all over me, restricted entry and belonging to a particular sect only. I feel myself no different from Kashmir. And this is also a very major issue than it actually appears on the surface.

It seems to be a beginning of a ‘plotted’ plan to make Kashmir belong to everyone but not to a Kashmiri. I can foresee very small small pieces of land being allotted to different boards and organizations. Then, Government will move to the major areas and I will not be surprised if I see a Kashmiri being restricted to move freely even in its own state.

What will be your reactions if I ask Delhi Government to allot only 80 kanals of area to Kashmir Hajj Committee? It certainly will be termed as ‘conspiracy’ and ‘plan’ on the part of Kashmiris. Then, I don’t think it will be wrong to term it the ‘same’ when it comes to this case. You cannot change the implication of the terminology; they remain the same whether it is Delhi or Kashmir.

In all this, there is something that gives me great contentment. I can see all Kashmiris together responding to this issue in a correct way. No bandh call was given by any political, extremist or modernistic party but still I see deserted streets with agitations and protests all over. People have come out on their own to fight this problem. The minds have started evolving, things are not taken for granted anymore and the issue seems dealt on an intellect front.

The conscience of a common Kashmir seems awakening and it can only lead to the good of Kashmir. I would not have been luckier than belonging to such a place where people know what all it takes to stand in the toughest of times.

I won’t be surprised if I am the raison d'être to make this nation awake from its lull sleep. It just needs a trigger moment to unite a nation and I hope I am the one. I always believed that Kashmiris are courageous and intellectual and they have proven this from time to time. Be prepared Kashmiris, all hopes are on you and there is a long way to go.”

According to Mamkol, “Extraordinarily I don’t see any slumber in your eyes, relax only after you succeed”.

Matrimonial Merry Making

Below are the real answers send for different profile in a matrimonial website. They are amazing and interesting too. Do take out some time to have a look:

Simply Simple
My living style is very simple. Also I am very simple. I want to marry a simple girl look beautiful, loving and smart but truthful.

Very Cool And Soft
I am a soft spoken guy. My favorite words are love, fun, honesty, respect and kindness. I am searching for a life time partner who can walk with me till my last breath. I googled also but did not find, you can be that one.

Freely Free
I am very free in nature, looking a free person who touch my heart and also mixing freely in nature to my family members.

Who Is He
I am a boy. My hobby is singing and likes to eat mango. I am a banker like my father and mother very much. I love every people for any critical case.

Beliefs Blessing
I am very much belief with my blessing present. Very typical traditionally and peculiar livings I need that kind of girl who can belief well.

Only Christian Left
Only Christian boy believes in Christ. I have born and bought in Christian moral values. Looking for a partner who believes in Christian and no more required.

Modesty International
I am NRI earn lakhs every month in dollars. Not much to say as I am nothing without my money and all I can talk about is my little crore worth properly in dollars again.

The Perfect Guy
I'm person nature and fun loving guy helpful, understand and respectable like to some one who is enjoy to life nice nature respectable. Color is to be fair in mind.

Deadly Dude
I like gangster movies of foreign. I like to visit new place and shoot in there with my expensive made in USA lens. You have to interest in that is a must.

Sermon For You
Marry me as I believe all this - God makes a match and He brings two together. Finding the right partner is possibly the most difficult decision that one makes. God will provide the one he has in stored for us just like he did for Isaac. The marriage for sure goes well if the man & wife live in Jesus cause he is the greatest binding.

Precisely Precise
I am bit emotional and want fair girl with 23 ages, waist only 28, and weight 50 only. Degree in Diploma coking and designing. Should know French fries cooking and pizza. Rest all not important.

Best For You
Want a best girl who will keep best relation of best friend too as marriage is a believes between best relation people. I want the best give the best.

Master Of All
Very simple men like every women and every place and traveling. Need just wife, ready to go to their house staying or paying his father money.

Honestly Deadly
I am looking for cool intelligent girls who understand me. I promise that I will not threat him for any matter.

In A Hurry
I am very much strong in my attitude. I likes to those persons who better humanity. Mission is my great motto and tell you later . . .

According to Mamkol, “So distressed for marriage, they have not read about the original sin.”

One Very Incredible Incident

Life is filled with so many incidents that always remain with you. Today, I am going to tell you one of the most amazing incidents of my college life. It really gave me a tough time but I enjoyed a lot too.

This incident happened is actually a result of different incidents that occurred to me during my three years in college.

First year in College
As I had recently joined the college, there were butterflies in my stomach. It was a good feeling but a little scary too. I made a number of friends and all of them were senior to me. I started enjoying their company, having tea together, silly jokes, smoking and what not. Canteen, as always, used to be our hanging place.

One day we were sitting in the canteen cracking jokes and smoking. But suddenly we realized that we had no cigarettes left. Canteen guy was not allowed to keep cigarettes and we had to move out of campus to get it, which seemed quite tough in the heat.

There was a man, around 35, sitting in the canteen with long hair, a little beard, and camera hanging around his neck. He had a new packet of cigarettes which he had just opened and was quite visible to all of us. Being the cool dude, I approached him and asked for a cigarette. He started giving me lectures about behaving with elders, manners and bla bla bla . . .

He left the canteen in anger and even threatened to complaint to the authorities but we thought, “Who cares” and we never did.

Second Year in College
It had been almost one and a half year in college for me. Except my lecturers, I was known to all the peons, clerks, canteen owner, and security guards. I went to the canteen and was having tea when I suddenly got the sight of that long haired man I had seen a year ago. He had gone a little bald this time.

Being mischievous, I though of pulling his leg. I again approached him and the first thing he said, “Don’t you think you are shameless, I hope you have come over to apologize”. It boiled my blood and I replied, “Not at all, I just wanted to tell you that you are the worst smoker I have seen. You don’t care about fellow smokers. So, I think you better be sorry”.

The argument continued but he was really patient and left very calmly. Other guys asked me who he was and I said, “I had to settle scores with him, must be the college photographer. Always has a camera hanging around his neck”.

Third Year in College
This was the time when I got screwed up. I had philosophy in my graduation time. As a rule, when you are in your final year, the Head Of the Department (HOD) of philosophy gives you lectures. I liked that subject as it gave me the best of freedom to express. I was all excited to see the HOD.

The moment I entered the classroom, my eyes popped out, earth seemed moving, there was nothing but darkness and I could hardly take a breath. That long haired man was my HOD and I didn’t know how to react. He threw me out the class and said, “You won’t be allowed to enter in this class and so, with zero attendance you cannot sit in the exams. That is the right way to deal with kids like you”.

I turned into a statue and the coming days were tougher. I tried my level best but he didn’t allow me to even enter his class. He even issued a blacklist of candidates who were short of attendance and I topped the list. So, it was made very clear that I cannot appear in the exam.

But then, God helps those who help others. I made the peon to remove that list from the board, talked to the clerk and admission in charge officer about my state of affairs the. I had spent some good time and money on them and it finally paid. Thanks to those 1400 rupees, I appeared in the coming exam.

After results
After the results were out, I went to his office. I gifted him a box of sweets, a cigarette packed and a matchbox as a goodwill gesture. Even though he didn’t responded the same way and didn’t accept anything, no hard feelings dude. It made him worse than ever before. I hope he understands this world quickly.

The best part about that entire incident is that I still don’t know his name. But I did learn a few things from this incident.

According to Mamkol, “Always carry extra cigarettes with you, don’t fiddle with long haired bald going strangers and never attend you HOD’s class”.

The Amusing English

Every passing day, we discover more and more about the need of ‘English’ as a very vital means of communicating. It is undoubtedly the Global language at this era, in India at least. But, what happens when English language is used in a very confusing manner that makes you think, laugh, cry and sympathize with the people who have written it. I have certain experiences to share with you:

Sale and Service available
Usually refers to the technological stuff, gadgets, cars and other such things. But, it was written on a shop that sells fishes. Sale is ok but what about servicing. I thought there would be surgeons but could locate only handful of sales people who didn’t even knew how to speak ‘English’. God really needs to bless them and I wonder if they have spare parts for the fishes also. I should have asked them, better luck next time.

24 hours open
You will say ‘normal’ but listen. It was not written on a billboard but shutter of a closed medical shop. Now, how much is it normal dude?

Addidas, Nike, Rebook, Puma – You have it all
I know you will say that these are brands but wait a minute. It was written on a single t-shirt and the shirt was manufactured by a company called ‘S-Mark’. What a combination guys, all brands under one roof. By the way, how many of you know about this merger. I still am trying to locate it on Google.

Made from only clean and fresh hydrogen and oxygen
Guess before you move on reading about it. It was for mineral water bottle which I got on Delhi-Jammu highway. Creative minds over exhaust themselves and the result is visible.

Well built, no history and in good health condition
This was in a matrimonial newspaper. Don’t laugh guys; I have tried to interpret what he meant to say. He needed a 6 feet tall girl with no boyfriend since she was born and in the best of health. He actually referred to ‘Eve’. Only she didn’t have a boyfriend before marriage and was the only lady who did not suffer from even a single disease. Somebody tell him that he is born too late.

All female treatments available – come with your wife and forget
A roadside quack had this written on his tent shop. I hope he really didn’t mean what he had written otherwise most of the husbands would have done that till now. Women are the toughest to handle, I bet he does not know what the meaning of what is written on his shop.

For rent – sorry to bachelors, no lady keeps home clean
I am still trying to get the gist of it. Why is he sorry to bachelors and why does he feel that no lady can keep home clean? We need a philosopher to crack this out, anybody out there.

According to Mamkol, “Have you heard about that famous line – ass you lick it”.

Do not realize after losing – It Has No Worth

Only eight years old, Armaan was in fact different from all other children of his age. He had seen more of the world than any one of them. His parents were not living together and the divorce case was still hanging in the court. His dream of getting a younger brother was vanished when his mama went for an abortion because it was getting difficult for her to live with his dad. Being a single mother, she considered it unfeasible to carry the burden of two children.

Armaan had a set schedule of staying with his mom and dad on alternate days. Even though both lived on the same street, just two minutes away, Armaan would never ever even think of going to mom when he was at dad’s place or vice versa. He never wanted to be the reason between his parents to argue over.

But Armaan was special. Although too young, he was happy with what he had. He never complained and always presented a happy picture of his family. He was always optimistic that things will get better and he would pray every night for his ‘perfect family’ that he always desire.

Then, something happened which no one ever imagined will occur. Armaan suddenly felt ill in school and was rushed to the hospital. He felt unconscious in the classroom and fainted. By the time his parents arrived, he was back to his senses. It was exactly after six months that his parents were together at one place and he was happy to see that, even though not in the manner he prayed for. The smile on Armaan’s face was saying it all, he was felling better than ever before.

In the coming few days, Armaan remained hospitalized and his parents were there for him. He felt happier in being sick and prayed to God to keep him always sick so that he can get care and love from both the parents. He went through a series of tests and examinations during this time.

At the time of discharging him form the hospital, Armaan’s parents went to the doctor’s room. The doctor looked stunned, puzzled and confused. He felt out of words while talking to Armaan’s parents. He just uttered, “Your son has a tumor and he has only one month left to be with you. I know won’t accept it but this is the truth. Give him all the happiness he deserves”.

Armaan’s parents didn’t know what to do or how to react, they felt speechless and shocked. All they could think is of their son, who was unaware of what all was going to happen. The parents tried to consult doctors all over the globe but of no use. They knew that the time is running and they cannot do anything. Finally, they decide to give him the best time he is worthy of.

His parents told him that they are going to be together now and they will live happily as before. Armaan was surprised but felt relieved that God has finally answered his prayers. His parents also told him to ask for anything he wishes as a gift from them.

Armaan wrote his three wishes in three different envelopes and numbered them. But there was a condition, till one wish is not completed, no one will open the second envelope. Armaan’s parents opened the first envelope which said, “I want you to promise me that we will live as a perfect family”. And his ‘perfect family’ always included his parents, him and his one younger brother. His parents had no other option but to accept. But Armaan told them he will evaluate their actions in the coming days and then decide whether they really kept this promise or not.

His parents tried their level best to make sure that they live like before and even succeeded. Two weeks went by and Armaan felt contented and he started to believe that he has got the foundation for his perfect family. One day he called his parents and said, “I am happy that you guys kept the promise and now, we can open the second envelope.”

His parents had only tears in their eyes and they knew that the most awful is coming and the little Armaan is ignorant about it. It hurt them more and every day was a doomsday for them. The second envelope read, “I want you to take me to Nanital for 10 days vacation”. This was the place where they had gone when his mama was expecting. He always missed that time as he was expecting his younger brother to arrive.

So, they went all the way to Nanital. He relived all the moments again and made sure that he doesn’t miss a single second of it. He felt happy like never before. Although the time was running but Armaan’s parents had no choice but to see their son going away. They couldn’t even cry. The night they were going back, Armaan felt ill and was rushed to the hospital.

Armaan’s condition was getting worse and he was airlifted to the city for treatment. But nothing seemed to help at all. After struggling a week in hospital, Armaan finally bid adieu to this filthy world. The loss was intolerable but had to be lived with. Things seemed darker with every passing moment. Tears kept rolling and there was no end to agony.

After burying Armaan, his parents came back to the house where they found the envelope marked ‘3’. This envelope had Armaan’s last wish written on it. They opened the envelope and it read, “I know that I prayed to God to keep me unwell so that mom and dad can come and see me together but I want to get well now. I have got the ‘perfect family’ I always wanted and no more asking from my side God. Only one request – Please let me live, I do not want to die. I know I am going to leave this world but Please God please ….. Hey mom and dad, tell God no, it is the last wish I promise”.

Armaan left but got his parents together but we don’t want to lose Armaan to understand relations and take them the correct way. Look at yourself and answer; do you really want Armaan to die to get the sense of realization?

According to Mamkol, “Pain has no principle, but do your principles stop you from giving pain”.